Life up North (it's grim!!)

It's been a few months since I last saw everyone (except for Louise and co) so I'd thought I'd drop you a line to tell you what I've been up to. Firstly I have been indulging in the black art of bouldering since the new year as firstly it's too cold to go routing, secondly it's too much hassle placing gear and thirdly carrying all the gear to the crag is a pain in the bottom. However as soon as the weather gets warmer, I may convert back again!! I have also found a new place to live for the next academic year at 50 Empire Road in S7!! I will be living down the road from Johnny Dawes and Lucy Creamer lives just off Empire Road!! The worrying thing is that everyone in the house is climbing E4 and above except me but I'll soon drag them down to my level!!

Talking of the Dawes, we were harassed by him on New Year's eve in the Broady. He was wondering round pinching pints and generally being obnoxious (no change there then!!). He spent a lot of time trying to chat up a girl member of the club. However the first question, Lynn (for that is her name) asked was "how big is your knob then!!". To which he answered "Not that big, but it's what you do with it that matters!!". I could carrying on chatting about the Dawes because theres a lot of rumours flying around the climbing community especially about phallic pieces of gritstone but as this is a family magazine, I'll stop there!! (Ring for details!!)

Anyway, being a poor student is great, most of my week is spent hitching around the Peak District with a boulder mat and no money!! My bank balance is exceptionally low but I can climb a lot harder!! Any donations are welcomed!!(joke!!) I do also get very cheap entry to the Foundry!! I can't beat one of my new housemates, who has discovered where the key to the School room (top Sheffield training wall for superstars!!) is hidden and now trains where Ben and Jerry go (without them knowing!!) This housemate also decided to pinch some crutches and start to use them to walk around with so his leg muscles would waste away and he would be able to climb harder but decided to give up eventually as it took him twice as long to get to the crag!!

We have been attending the Ape index lectures which are quite enjoyable especially the John Dunne one which almost kicked off as Johnny Dawes and Richie Patterson were getting quite aggressive until Mr Dunne said that he was really concerned about having two blokes of 5 foot 4 inches starting on him! ! There was so much stick given by various Sheffield climbers about Dunney not having done Parthian Shot to which he came back with some good answers and gave as good as he got!! Hoorah for pie eaters!!

Anyway, I'd better stop boring you all with tales of famous climbers behaving badly and I look forward to seeing you all in the Peaks at some stage. I'll be the scruffy one with a boulder mat and ill fitting clothes!!

See you all soon

Andy (Donkey boy) Chapman

A Definition of Madness

Repeating the same action but expecting a different result

Sound familiar??