What did I do On Sunday?

Someone will shortly be running a wanted ad in the magazine "

Wanted: portable, electric winch required. Must be suitable for marine use. Small petrol models also considered. Must exceed 12 feet per hour. Call 0800 DANGLE

He and I dithered and went in search of adventure at Swanage, instead of relaxed fun at Portland. So we did Calcitron E2 5b. For 'sustained' read 'unrelentingly strenuous'; for 'in situ threads (3)' read 'rotting tat'. So that'll be a long rest half way up then. He made 'heavy' work of it. Mind you, he has being doing 6a (at the wall) and felt well up for something harder. Then another E2 5b - JJ Burnell King of the Bass. I reckon a big piece was missing, because blind layback moves off a small downward pointing spike over a four foot roof is not my idea of E2 5b, not with one shaky wire at 15 feet, 30 feet above a rock platform it isn't. So that'll be a complete failure then.

So lets try the one next to it, E3 5c and 7 staples. 15 minutes later, blood and snot everywhere and we've clipped the first bolt. Haven't got past the roof and off the ground though. So that'll be a complete failure then.

Looking really good so far. All we've got to do is get out. DavyJones' Locker that way, and E6 as far as the eye can see the other. Best start walking then. Aha! a result! A three bolt HVS 5a. Bit steep and strenuous for HVS, mind you, but perfect rock (seriously!) That'll be you off then, matey. E1 5b in the new Rockfax - thank you very much.

Well we're out now, even if our heads are down. Where next - Winspit? No - he wants to go to Boulder Ruckle. Now I hadn't been to Boulder Ruckle for twenty-two years, but it is not the sort of place you forget. He felt well up for an E1, and even suggested one that he had done. 'No, how about this one', I say, Billy Pig E1 5b *** 'a good introduction to the mysteries of the Swanage roof'. Good gear, fabulous pitch over a big roof, top end E1,pushing E2. Nice belay 20 feet above the roof on the ledge. He moves up slowly. Very slowly. And out of sight. People below assure me that he is alright. Then 'Ping' there he is, swinging around on the end of the rope. Now you see him, now you don't. And there he was - gone! Now, he has a Ropeman, I saw it in his rucsac - which is where it still is. No matter, matey, you have many soft long slings, with which you can prussik. Half an hour later - no he can't. He cannot tie a suitable prussik knot. Can he lift himself on one rope, while I pull and take in on the other?

No.

Am I going to lower him down?

Am I hell - because I don't fancy being marooned on this stinking ledge, and there's also a small matter of all the gear under the roof). So, laddy, you are coming up whether you like it or not. So one rope got tied off, (which allowed normal breathing toresume).A loop of the other was lowered down for him to clip into his harness and we had a three in one hoist (less the mechanical loss caused by the many intricate twists and loops which he engineered into his end). So he pulled down and I pulled up, and up he came. And then pay out on the other rope which disappeared back under the roof. And haul and heave and haul and heave and pay out and haul and heave and haul and heave until he could grab something and climb up (about 10 feet away from the true line) to join me. Did I mention it was cold by now? No, but that just added to the fun. Of course, the ropes were now in a splendid tangle (or a 'fankle' if you're a Scot). Very apt, because this tangle was definitely was an 'F' word. Now he was not going even to consider the second pitch (all 4c of it) and stuff his obligations as a second for the gear below the roof. Incidentally, the#3 Friend was his - a very useful bargaining tool. So change over and reverse the top third of the first pitch. Stop at the lip, tight rope,and hang upside down and try and get the gear out. Now messing about hanging upside down in a harness at a wall can be jolly good fun - but fifty feet above Swanage boulders is subtly different. One Friend out, two wires lost, and I'm out of here and sprinting to the top. Nice pitch - only two big loose blocks and the rest very solid. All in all, I'm very happy; a super three star E1. He hasn't had such a good time. I reckoned he owed me two wires. He didn't argue..

Adrian

Names have been removed to protect the guilty, but he knows who he is and any resemblance to any person living or dead is entirely intentional